2/15/11

Seen on Status Shuffle... not enough nerve to actually post it on my fb page...
I will never be your first kiss, first love, first valentine, first fight, or first date but I'm not in this to be your first anything, I just want to be your last.

I've been saying this since the start of my relationship with the Gipper. It's nice to actually see it in print.

The saga continues. He called and left me a message on Sunday that my reasoning for not talking was "flawed". I gave him a few hours to stew a bit and then called him back. I think he was hoping he'd be cute an adorable and everything could go back to the way it was. But I wasn't giving an inch. I told him to call me when he was ready to do something serious with me. He told first, that how would he be able to know if he didn't see me. That essentially that he'd forget me if I wasn't part of his daily life. Then he changed it to he wasn't ever going to feel that way for me, never had, etc, etc. So essentially I was writing him out of my life, and if that's what I wanted...  He said that when people flush him out of their lives, he flushes them out of his. It escalated to an almost shouting match, with it ending with him telling me to have a good life.

That night I woke up around 2am with a panic.anxiety attack. i felt like I couldn't breathe,and there was an ache in my chest I haven't felt in a very very long time. if ever. I had a feeling he was going to unfriend me on facebook. so I checked and he had.

The next morning I texted him cause I wanted to clear things up a bit. I wanted him to understand at least a little and not be so angry. Hurt I understood, just not angry. I asked him was I really so unimportant to him that he would forget me if he didn't talk to me everyday. He responded that I had told him not to contact him. that i  didn't want to be his friend anymore. that i had essentially dumped him as a friend. he said that i treated him worse than eve people who are his enemies do. He was really taking it hard. so I called him and we spoke a bit. we determined that we really were at an impassse: I wanted him to contact me when he had feelings for me but he didn't think he ever would. He wanted me to get over him, but I don't know if I ever will. So I told him it wasn't that i didn't want to be his friend, but I needed a lot of space, especially if I was to have even a fighting chance of trying to get over him. How could I do that if he was constantly up front a personal. so we decided in he can contact me once every other week. We'll see how it goes. That last time, it only took him from Friday morning until Sunday afternoon. He hasn't re-friended me, though, which means that he's either trying to punish me (probably) or doesn't want the temptation to contact me by know when I'm online (probably also). He also took himself off okcupid. He did say they latest dish (Vietnamese, I think) was going well. But there have been others.I give it not that long. Possibly longer than the others, but not too long. Again. we'll see.