I really need to paly catch up with this blog. Bu tin the meantime I recieved this in my email on Oct 15. I had had a long converstaion the night before with the Gipper about how he knows I like him, but he doesn't want me to have any expectaitons. That he just likes me as a friend. That he's probably going to disappoint a lot of people. Etc, etc, etc. This email has helped me in the past couple of months to put things into perspective, to not expect too much from him while he's healing (even though he swears there's nothing to heal and he's fine), and to know that in the end, if I play my cards right an not push him too much, we'll wind up together.
Here's what I recieved in one of the daily emails I get from WC Horoscopes:
Hi Red,
I met a man a year ago, and the connection was unmistakable. Since then we have become friends. There has been a lot of flirting and bantering, but he has been very inconsistent, almost to the point of rudeness. I have feelings for him, and I know that he does, too. However, about a month ago I let him know that his behavior hurts me. When he blew that off, I backed away. I let him know that I think he is a wonderful man, but I don’t like the way he treats me, and to not contact me. The problem is, I do love him. My gut feeling is that we can learn a lot from each other, and help each other with really big goals. Please help me understand what’s going on, and what I can expect in the future.
Red Responds:
Dear Sehar,
The connection that you share with this man is a mix of this-life compatibility and past-life unfinished business. This combination makes for a powerful, and complicated, dynamic.
There is some karma, or past life issues, that you two need to clean up. Even though the two of you have known and loved one another in previous lifetimes, there is a repeat theme of you not being able to be with him, sending him away, or forsaking your love in some manner. While that history is circumstantial (many times, you really didn’t have a choice), it has a very real impact on your relationship in this life.
Your friend hasn’t necessarily had the easiest time with his deeper connections and relationships in this life, and he has a hard time dealing with his own fears and emotional attachments. Even though he feels very connected to you, his need to maintain control and protect himself overrides his desire to surrender to his deeper feelings.
You took initiative and an emotional risk by sharing how you feel about him, which is good. However, when you were expressing how his inconsistent behavior and communication failures were less than acceptable to you, he really didn’t know how to deal with it – so he simply chose not to. Your telling him not to contact you hurt him, and brought some fresh trust issues to the surface.
At the moment, your friend doesn’t want to deal with his fears or feelings. While I don’t mean this in an insulting or negative manner, he simply wants things to be safe and easy. When you try to progress this relationship and deepen the bond, his reactions are defensive. He doesn’t consciously try to sabotage this relationship, but his fear-based inactions and reactions are counterproductive to healing the “hurts” that exist between the two of you.
When the two of you find your way back to one another this winter, the joy of reconnecting in friendship will be rewarding. However, the romantic aspects of this relationship will continue to be a secondary consideration for several months. In order for this relationship to grow, you must accept that you currently want more than he is willing to give.
If you are willing to focus solely on the friendship aspect of this relationship, a karmic debt will be paid. While this will be painful for you, your sacrifice will bring in a new level of balance to this relationship. It is only from that point of balance that this man will find the strength to deal with some of his fears and issues, and find trust in love once again.
There is great potential for the two of you to create a solid, long-term relationship, but things aren’t going to come together fast or easy. “Sacrifice” seems to be a theme with the two of you, because you will repeatedly test each other’s willingness to first give the things that you are hoping to receive.
Brightest Blessings,
Red
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The Week of the Gipper
The Gipper has me so confused. Of course it could be because he's got himself so confused as well. I was talking to Eye Doc about it last night, and she did her best to set me straight, she really did, starting with "Get that book, He's Just Not That In To You" and ending with "Keep your eye on the prize which for all intents and purposes right now is not him." Might be, could be, possibly, but definitely down the road. Wish I could convince myself of that.
See I've been spending a lot of time with him lately, at his suggestions (I'm trying really hard not to come on too strong for fear of running him off all together). And I'm loving all the time with him, but it's making me a bit crazy, too. This past week alone I spent five days with him. Not all day, well except for last Sunday, but at least a date (sort of).
Let's start last Sunday, the Sukkah Hop, where my Arbel friend had her sukkah as part of the Old City Sukkah Open House through the Kehilla. I was driving myself the Gipper and the Russian, and we were meeting a bunch of friends in town for brunch and then sukkah wandering. There was even someone who came from Delaware! This was a group outing that I had organized, so no pressure there. The Russian used us as her ride to town and then promptly dumped us for a date (nice). Of course she tried calling us when the date was over to get a ride back to Jersey. We mysteriously didn't hear any one's phone ringing. Brunch took a long time, the service was really slow, but the food was good and I might be willing to give it another shot. Then we spent the afternoon strolling down Lombard visiting with my friend and others in their sukkahs. We had some great conversations. The Gipper really hit it off with Arbel Gal, and we got to meet her cat! Then we sauntered over to the next one where we all got to "hold an etrog in the air and shake a lulav like we just don't care!" I think that's my favorite quote of the season so far. It was a perfect day, relaxing, nice weather, good company. I had fun.
The next day, Monday, I had planned to go to another Sukkot event sponsored by the Chevra, I had even told my knitting friend I'd be there/go with her, and Boobs that I'd go with her as well. When I woke up that morning it was cold and raining and was supposed to keep raining all day, and the event was up in Merion. So I called the girls told them I wasn't going and just went to work in jeans. Then the Gipper sent me an email later in the day asking if you had to belong to go to the event on Tuesday and if I was planning to go. I told him I hadn't been but since I decided not to go to the Monday event, I might be up for the Tuesday event. He called me, and the next thing I know I'm agreeing to go with him not only to Monday's event but Tuesdays as well. Not sure how he did that (yeah, I know, it wasn't that hard.)
Monday's event, "Mi casa Sukkah-sa" was really very nice, and much more my speed. Diverse crowd, not just all the usual 20-something teeny-boppers. My knitting friend was there and surprised to see me. I saw some people I had seen before but hadn't really gotten to know, and some new people as well. The Gipper was fine leaving early, he was a t Tuesday night's event too. He really is very sweet. The food spread was impressive, but the house and kitchen (remember this is in Merion) gorgeous. There was a butlers pantry leading from the dining room to the kitchen where all the Pesach dishes were (along with a full size sink, stove, and dishwasher. The kitchen itself was so huge that there was a gigantic long island running down the middle of the room with wooded back splash-style divider down the middle of the island. And then one side was milchig, and on the other fleichig, both with complete stove, sinks, dishwashers. I think there might have even been two fridges, but I don't remember exactly.
Tuesday's event was at Penn's Hillel in their sukkah. It was run by the Grad Student Network. I met some nice people, although I need a better system to try and remember all of them. I spoke with a friend who said there's a guy she wants me to meet. The funniest moment was when Gipper was talking with the couple who organizes the BZBI potluck that happens once a month on a Friday. I had already invited him to this, so when they asked him if was interested in their event he told them he couldn't go cause he was already going somewhere with me. That's when I came over and we realized it was all the same event. How funny! He got a kick out of it too, he was chuckling over it the entire ride home. However, right after this he introduced me to a guy he was talking to. The guy seemed nice enough, but not necessarily anyone I'd be interested in. Actually, He reminded me quite a bit of Mr. Scorpio. So we were talking for maybe 3 minutes, and Gipper comes over and says that it's getting late and he's getting ready to go, but we should exchange phone numbers. Not quietly, not whispered in my ear or something, oh no, he just came back the conversation and announced "exchange phone numbers". What?! I was still trying to decide if i even wanted this guy's phone number. Don't worry, I let him have it in the car. He promised never to do that again. Although, it was interesting, he was all for the guy he had picked out for me, but when I mentioned to him that the reason I had been invited to the potluck on Friday in the first place was so that my friend could introduce me to someone, he got curiously quiet. Hmmm, interesting, no?
Thursday was Simchat Torah. It was pouring out and I stayed home. I had to cook for the potluck anyway. From everyone's facebook posts, though it sounded like it was a rollicking frolicking good time (probably even more so because of the rain). Oh well, next year!
Friday was the potluck. Which I inadvertently invited the guy from the Tuesday night party to. I thought I was just being friendly "see you at an event sometime, oh by the way there's one this Friday night." Hmm, ok so maybe I overplayed that one. He came, although grudgingly so. It took me three-four emails telling him it was ok if he didn't come, but he must have mistook them for convincing emails. So he came. Definitely, another Mr Scorpio. Definitely, "A project" as Boobs calls these men I seem to find who need lots and lots of moral support. But the rest of the night was very nice. Ren Boy brought a date, and then skipped out early to go to another party. Typical Ren Boy style. What on earth did I ever see in him? The Gipper and I sat at a table with a more mature crowd. There was a married couple, my friend who wanted to introduce me to someone, her boyfriend and sister, and some others in the older thirties crowd. Much more my speed, so the night was full of good conversation. It was buffet, so everyone kept getting up to get food but stopping to chat along the way. Afterwards Gipper and I went for a stroll through the city, ending up in Rittenhouse where we sat and talked for awhile. How is it that I never tire of talking with him? conversations with him are always interesting, informative, thoughtful. And fun! We spent the entire ride home singing along to Beatles songs from his ipod. Or maybe iphone? He has too many gadgets for me to keep track of. Somehow, I think that's part of his charm.
The week ended on Sunday when we were all supposed to go meet for brunch, well the Jersey crew anyways, I even got my Bro to come along. I we were supposed to pick up the Russian, but when we go there, she said she thought she'd take her own car. She didn't bother to tell me this earlier so I wouldn't have to make the special run just for her, not even when I called her 20 minutes before I got there to make sure the plan was still good. So when she tried to start her car it wouldn't turn over. And she's so young (for 27 anyway) that she gets hysterical the way a teenager would. Thankfully her sister and brother in law were still there to jump the car. They thought it would be fine. But then when were were about 5 minutes down the road, it stalled again. we tried jumping it, but couldn't get it to turn over, so her sister and brother in law had to come and get it going. They took the car home and we went to brunch, but through all of this Gipper and a friend of everyone's who I've been wanting to meet were waiting for us. when the car stalled a second time, I called him and told him to eat without us. When we finally got there, he and the friend had gone to a different restaurant that he likes better. Everything went fine from that point on, but everyone seemed a little out of sorts. Even Kevin a bit. Unless the fact that I'm all hormonal this week made me see things that weren't there.
I didn't hear from him the rest of that day. There was no happy fb note, email, text the next morning, which he had started doing. And then that night, I accidentally called him while I was playing around on my phone. I immediately hung up hoping it wouldn't go through to his phone, but it must have cause he called me right back. I told him it was just an accident. We talked for a minute or two and then he said he had to go, even though he wasn't out doing anything that night. Also, all weekend he didn't call me which I thought was odd, but when I got into the office I found that he had called my office on Sat & Sun, but left no message. Did he think that I was trying to avoid him? Or maybe he just needs space. I'm so confused, does he like me or no? I know there's definitely a bond, that's definitely growing. He's insisting it's just friendship, but if those are the only signals he's sending out then I wouldn't be picking up any romantic ones, right? And yet I feel that I am. HE also said on Sunday, that his date Sat night (number four) went really well, but when I talked with him Monday, he said he wasn't sure if he wanted to take it any farther. I hate this sitting and waiting thing, but if he really does want me, (and I'm pretty sure that deep down he does) I guess I'll just have to let him get comfortable with that at his own pace. In the meantime, I'm on the hunt for someone equally as good. Hope he's out there! Or do I?
See I've been spending a lot of time with him lately, at his suggestions (I'm trying really hard not to come on too strong for fear of running him off all together). And I'm loving all the time with him, but it's making me a bit crazy, too. This past week alone I spent five days with him. Not all day, well except for last Sunday, but at least a date (sort of).
Let's start last Sunday, the Sukkah Hop, where my Arbel friend had her sukkah as part of the Old City Sukkah Open House through the Kehilla. I was driving myself the Gipper and the Russian, and we were meeting a bunch of friends in town for brunch and then sukkah wandering. There was even someone who came from Delaware! This was a group outing that I had organized, so no pressure there. The Russian used us as her ride to town and then promptly dumped us for a date (nice). Of course she tried calling us when the date was over to get a ride back to Jersey. We mysteriously didn't hear any one's phone ringing. Brunch took a long time, the service was really slow, but the food was good and I might be willing to give it another shot. Then we spent the afternoon strolling down Lombard visiting with my friend and others in their sukkahs. We had some great conversations. The Gipper really hit it off with Arbel Gal, and we got to meet her cat! Then we sauntered over to the next one where we all got to "hold an etrog in the air and shake a lulav like we just don't care!" I think that's my favorite quote of the season so far. It was a perfect day, relaxing, nice weather, good company. I had fun.
The next day, Monday, I had planned to go to another Sukkot event sponsored by the Chevra, I had even told my knitting friend I'd be there/go with her, and Boobs that I'd go with her as well. When I woke up that morning it was cold and raining and was supposed to keep raining all day, and the event was up in Merion. So I called the girls told them I wasn't going and just went to work in jeans. Then the Gipper sent me an email later in the day asking if you had to belong to go to the event on Tuesday and if I was planning to go. I told him I hadn't been but since I decided not to go to the Monday event, I might be up for the Tuesday event. He called me, and the next thing I know I'm agreeing to go with him not only to Monday's event but Tuesdays as well. Not sure how he did that (yeah, I know, it wasn't that hard.)
Monday's event, "Mi casa Sukkah-sa" was really very nice, and much more my speed. Diverse crowd, not just all the usual 20-something teeny-boppers. My knitting friend was there and surprised to see me. I saw some people I had seen before but hadn't really gotten to know, and some new people as well. The Gipper was fine leaving early, he was a t Tuesday night's event too. He really is very sweet. The food spread was impressive, but the house and kitchen (remember this is in Merion) gorgeous. There was a butlers pantry leading from the dining room to the kitchen where all the Pesach dishes were (along with a full size sink, stove, and dishwasher. The kitchen itself was so huge that there was a gigantic long island running down the middle of the room with wooded back splash-style divider down the middle of the island. And then one side was milchig, and on the other fleichig, both with complete stove, sinks, dishwashers. I think there might have even been two fridges, but I don't remember exactly.
Tuesday's event was at Penn's Hillel in their sukkah. It was run by the Grad Student Network. I met some nice people, although I need a better system to try and remember all of them. I spoke with a friend who said there's a guy she wants me to meet. The funniest moment was when Gipper was talking with the couple who organizes the BZBI potluck that happens once a month on a Friday. I had already invited him to this, so when they asked him if was interested in their event he told them he couldn't go cause he was already going somewhere with me. That's when I came over and we realized it was all the same event. How funny! He got a kick out of it too, he was chuckling over it the entire ride home. However, right after this he introduced me to a guy he was talking to. The guy seemed nice enough, but not necessarily anyone I'd be interested in. Actually, He reminded me quite a bit of Mr. Scorpio. So we were talking for maybe 3 minutes, and Gipper comes over and says that it's getting late and he's getting ready to go, but we should exchange phone numbers. Not quietly, not whispered in my ear or something, oh no, he just came back the conversation and announced "exchange phone numbers". What?! I was still trying to decide if i even wanted this guy's phone number. Don't worry, I let him have it in the car. He promised never to do that again. Although, it was interesting, he was all for the guy he had picked out for me, but when I mentioned to him that the reason I had been invited to the potluck on Friday in the first place was so that my friend could introduce me to someone, he got curiously quiet. Hmmm, interesting, no?
Thursday was Simchat Torah. It was pouring out and I stayed home. I had to cook for the potluck anyway. From everyone's facebook posts, though it sounded like it was a rollicking frolicking good time (probably even more so because of the rain). Oh well, next year!
Friday was the potluck. Which I inadvertently invited the guy from the Tuesday night party to. I thought I was just being friendly "see you at an event sometime, oh by the way there's one this Friday night." Hmm, ok so maybe I overplayed that one. He came, although grudgingly so. It took me three-four emails telling him it was ok if he didn't come, but he must have mistook them for convincing emails. So he came. Definitely, another Mr Scorpio. Definitely, "A project" as Boobs calls these men I seem to find who need lots and lots of moral support. But the rest of the night was very nice. Ren Boy brought a date, and then skipped out early to go to another party. Typical Ren Boy style. What on earth did I ever see in him? The Gipper and I sat at a table with a more mature crowd. There was a married couple, my friend who wanted to introduce me to someone, her boyfriend and sister, and some others in the older thirties crowd. Much more my speed, so the night was full of good conversation. It was buffet, so everyone kept getting up to get food but stopping to chat along the way. Afterwards Gipper and I went for a stroll through the city, ending up in Rittenhouse where we sat and talked for awhile. How is it that I never tire of talking with him? conversations with him are always interesting, informative, thoughtful. And fun! We spent the entire ride home singing along to Beatles songs from his ipod. Or maybe iphone? He has too many gadgets for me to keep track of. Somehow, I think that's part of his charm.
The week ended on Sunday when we were all supposed to go meet for brunch, well the Jersey crew anyways, I even got my Bro to come along. I we were supposed to pick up the Russian, but when we go there, she said she thought she'd take her own car. She didn't bother to tell me this earlier so I wouldn't have to make the special run just for her, not even when I called her 20 minutes before I got there to make sure the plan was still good. So when she tried to start her car it wouldn't turn over. And she's so young (for 27 anyway) that she gets hysterical the way a teenager would. Thankfully her sister and brother in law were still there to jump the car. They thought it would be fine. But then when were were about 5 minutes down the road, it stalled again. we tried jumping it, but couldn't get it to turn over, so her sister and brother in law had to come and get it going. They took the car home and we went to brunch, but through all of this Gipper and a friend of everyone's who I've been wanting to meet were waiting for us. when the car stalled a second time, I called him and told him to eat without us. When we finally got there, he and the friend had gone to a different restaurant that he likes better. Everything went fine from that point on, but everyone seemed a little out of sorts. Even Kevin a bit. Unless the fact that I'm all hormonal this week made me see things that weren't there.
I didn't hear from him the rest of that day. There was no happy fb note, email, text the next morning, which he had started doing. And then that night, I accidentally called him while I was playing around on my phone. I immediately hung up hoping it wouldn't go through to his phone, but it must have cause he called me right back. I told him it was just an accident. We talked for a minute or two and then he said he had to go, even though he wasn't out doing anything that night. Also, all weekend he didn't call me which I thought was odd, but when I got into the office I found that he had called my office on Sat & Sun, but left no message. Did he think that I was trying to avoid him? Or maybe he just needs space. I'm so confused, does he like me or no? I know there's definitely a bond, that's definitely growing. He's insisting it's just friendship, but if those are the only signals he's sending out then I wouldn't be picking up any romantic ones, right? And yet I feel that I am. HE also said on Sunday, that his date Sat night (number four) went really well, but when I talked with him Monday, he said he wasn't sure if he wanted to take it any farther. I hate this sitting and waiting thing, but if he really does want me, (and I'm pretty sure that deep down he does) I guess I'll just have to let him get comfortable with that at his own pace. In the meantime, I'm on the hunt for someone equally as good. Hope he's out there! Or do I?
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Surprise Orchestra Concert
I was all set to see Sara Gruen at the library last night, but my sister had other plans.
Sara Gruen wrote Water for Elephants, which if you haven't read, I highly recommend. Currently, I'm reading her newest book, which is the one she was discussing at the library, Ape House. It's not quite as good as Water for Elephants, but then, I'm not finished yet, and her previous book had a wonderful twist ending, we're talking total vengeance people! I will say, though that as I'm reading Ape House, I'm realizing that I totally forgot about all the animal abuse that she writes about. Don't get me wrong, she is completely on the animals' sides, but she doesn't mince words in describing things. If you think you'd have a hard time with this, then these may not be for you. Or maybe you could get the audio book. The reader is already past the atrocities and onto the next idea before you even realize what you just heard. When you've got the actual book in hand, you can stop and go back and re-read, and be appalled a second time. At least that's how it is for me.
Anyway, so I was planning to go. I had tried to drum up some friends to come with me on facebook, but no dice. So I figured I meet some new people (there was a happy hour beforehand), and hear an interesting discussion (Ape House's basic premise is about ASL taught primates, and Koko the gorilla has always held a special place in my heart since as long as I can remember.) My sister wrote me though to say they were having a free Orchestra concert at City Hall, and did I want to go? I checked out what they were playing, and what the line up it was... Swan Lake! Carmen! Candide! I was in! It was a wonderful concert, the weather was just right, and it was so relaxing just sitting on the steps at Dilworth Plaza/City Hall. Check it out!
Meanwhile, I posted some pictures on my facebook page, and usually when I post comments about where I'm at or what I'm doing, I get some comments, at the very least I get one "like", but last night... nothing. Hmmm, either everyone was very busy last night, or all my friends are culturally inept. I probably shouldn't ponder this too long. Tonight, I'm going to an erev sukkot in the park. it should be fun. Gipper won't be there, he's going to a "bring a friend of a friend" party. I'm curious to see what that's like. And then Friday is happy hour at Devon Seafood with one of my knitting group friends, and Sunday is our Sukkah Hop. He's coming to that ;-)
Sara Gruen wrote Water for Elephants, which if you haven't read, I highly recommend. Currently, I'm reading her newest book, which is the one she was discussing at the library, Ape House. It's not quite as good as Water for Elephants, but then, I'm not finished yet, and her previous book had a wonderful twist ending, we're talking total vengeance people! I will say, though that as I'm reading Ape House, I'm realizing that I totally forgot about all the animal abuse that she writes about. Don't get me wrong, she is completely on the animals' sides, but she doesn't mince words in describing things. If you think you'd have a hard time with this, then these may not be for you. Or maybe you could get the audio book. The reader is already past the atrocities and onto the next idea before you even realize what you just heard. When you've got the actual book in hand, you can stop and go back and re-read, and be appalled a second time. At least that's how it is for me.
Anyway, so I was planning to go. I had tried to drum up some friends to come with me on facebook, but no dice. So I figured I meet some new people (there was a happy hour beforehand), and hear an interesting discussion (Ape House's basic premise is about ASL taught primates, and Koko the gorilla has always held a special place in my heart since as long as I can remember.) My sister wrote me though to say they were having a free Orchestra concert at City Hall, and did I want to go? I checked out what they were playing, and what the line up it was... Swan Lake! Carmen! Candide! I was in! It was a wonderful concert, the weather was just right, and it was so relaxing just sitting on the steps at Dilworth Plaza/City Hall. Check it out!
Meanwhile, I posted some pictures on my facebook page, and usually when I post comments about where I'm at or what I'm doing, I get some comments, at the very least I get one "like", but last night... nothing. Hmmm, either everyone was very busy last night, or all my friends are culturally inept. I probably shouldn't ponder this too long. Tonight, I'm going to an erev sukkot in the park. it should be fun. Gipper won't be there, he's going to a "bring a friend of a friend" party. I'm curious to see what that's like. And then Friday is happy hour at Devon Seafood with one of my knitting group friends, and Sunday is our Sukkah Hop. He's coming to that ;-)
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Very Good Close Friends
I'm discovering that nights out with the girls, where by the end you're one big mass of giggling females, can be a lot of fun! I'm so used to be so worried about appearances and being "proper" (what is that anyway?), I completely lost track of what having fun means. I'm starting to remember and having lots of it!
Last night we partook of Restaurant Week here in Philly. Four of us, Skanky (who from here on in I think I will call Boobs, since she's not really skanky that was just my first impressions, but she's definitely, in her own words, boobalicious - I think that's going to be my new favorite word for awhile! :-) ), Ms Shrink, The Same (since she really reminds me of myself in so many ways) she's also, by the way, roommates with Bitchy Poo, and myself. We went to Tinto's had lots and lots of food and lots of good conversation. They served tapas style so we all shared, we started out with arugula salad, gazpacho, skewered chicken; then moved onto asparagus (to die for), string beans, mussels in a marinara sauce, skewered steak, half poulets; and then dessert: banana chocolate tortes and almond cake with cherry cream on top.We talked about Ren Boy (how did I manage to deal with his shit for so long?), the Gipper (he just wants to be friends, and I'm ok with him taking the lead in where the relationship goes. I just really like him and feel a connection with him somehow. I'm perfectly ok just being friends, but should he decide at some point that he might want to try something more, I'd be open to that too. I think we could be really good together. I think we're already pretty good together. But time will tell. Just hopefully not too much time). We talked about work, and my living situation with Mom and Sis. Then on the walk back to the train we talked about the upcoming Sukkah Hop. It was an overall very nice night.
I posted something to that effect on my facebook page, and Gipper commented back and then called me. He was having a lazy night and sounded half asleep. It was kind of nice that he was one of the last people I spoke too before going to bed, and I'd like to think he felt the same. It's nice to know I'm on his mind. And I have to say that just being friends does take a lot of pressure off. Plus the fact that he's a guy and not a catty female friend, I'm not quite as careful with what I say to him. But it's ok. I feel that I could say quite a bit to him and he wouldn't be offended. I think at the very least we'll be very good, close friends, and frankly, I could use some of those.
Last night we partook of Restaurant Week here in Philly. Four of us, Skanky (who from here on in I think I will call Boobs, since she's not really skanky that was just my first impressions, but she's definitely, in her own words, boobalicious - I think that's going to be my new favorite word for awhile! :-) ), Ms Shrink, The Same (since she really reminds me of myself in so many ways) she's also, by the way, roommates with Bitchy Poo, and myself. We went to Tinto's had lots and lots of food and lots of good conversation. They served tapas style so we all shared, we started out with arugula salad, gazpacho, skewered chicken; then moved onto asparagus (to die for), string beans, mussels in a marinara sauce, skewered steak, half poulets; and then dessert: banana chocolate tortes and almond cake with cherry cream on top.We talked about Ren Boy (how did I manage to deal with his shit for so long?), the Gipper (he just wants to be friends, and I'm ok with him taking the lead in where the relationship goes. I just really like him and feel a connection with him somehow. I'm perfectly ok just being friends, but should he decide at some point that he might want to try something more, I'd be open to that too. I think we could be really good together. I think we're already pretty good together. But time will tell. Just hopefully not too much time). We talked about work, and my living situation with Mom and Sis. Then on the walk back to the train we talked about the upcoming Sukkah Hop. It was an overall very nice night.
I posted something to that effect on my facebook page, and Gipper commented back and then called me. He was having a lazy night and sounded half asleep. It was kind of nice that he was one of the last people I spoke too before going to bed, and I'd like to think he felt the same. It's nice to know I'm on his mind. And I have to say that just being friends does take a lot of pressure off. Plus the fact that he's a guy and not a catty female friend, I'm not quite as careful with what I say to him. But it's ok. I feel that I could say quite a bit to him and he wouldn't be offended. I think at the very least we'll be very good, close friends, and frankly, I could use some of those.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Just Friends
It's official. The Gipper wants to just be friends. It went something like this:
Me: you know how you said that when you met Trashy for the first time, you gave her your usual schpeil about how you're almost divorced, living at home with your parents until it's finalized, and just looking for friends? How you made sure you raised all those red flags?
Him: Yeah?
Me: So they were red flags for me too?
Him: Well, yes.
Me: Oh, ok.
Him: I really do want to be your friend, but I'm just not looking to get into anything just now. Is that ok?
Me: Yep, I just had to get it clear for myself.
**sigh**
So, the upside, is that I think I may have found a really good friend. The kind you can say almost anything to and you know they won't take offense and will give you pretty right on feedback. I'm not holding my breath that it will turn into anything more, I don't want to set myself up for that. But G-d, if you're listening, and eventually he faces his fears, realizes that I'm the one for him, and we live happily ever after, I wouldn't complain. :-)
Me: you know how you said that when you met Trashy for the first time, you gave her your usual schpeil about how you're almost divorced, living at home with your parents until it's finalized, and just looking for friends? How you made sure you raised all those red flags?
Him: Yeah?
Me: So they were red flags for me too?
Him: Well, yes.
Me: Oh, ok.
Him: I really do want to be your friend, but I'm just not looking to get into anything just now. Is that ok?
Me: Yep, I just had to get it clear for myself.
**sigh**
So, the upside, is that I think I may have found a really good friend. The kind you can say almost anything to and you know they won't take offense and will give you pretty right on feedback. I'm not holding my breath that it will turn into anything more, I don't want to set myself up for that. But G-d, if you're listening, and eventually he faces his fears, realizes that I'm the one for him, and we live happily ever after, I wouldn't complain. :-)
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Dearly Departed
I got news yesterday that an old friend of mine had passed away. He was young, only in his mid- forties, and though I don't know the exact circumstances of his death, I'm pretty sure that it wasn't from "natural causes".
I don't remember if I've mentioned Mutt & Jeff before. They were quite a duo. It was Jeff who passed away. He was a soft spoken, kind, gentle soul. The kind of person you felt you wanted to know cause you felt safe with him. He was a big guy, very tall, and all soft and snuggly. His heart was always in the right place, and he always meant well.
But Jeff wasn't always well. I never learned what exactly was wrong with him, but he definitely was imbalanced in some way. If I garnered a guess, I'd say he had bipolar disorder. When he was taking meds to control it, he was the nicest guy, but he didn't really believe in chemical medicine. He seemed to have a more natural/wholistic view of things. When he was off his meds, he didn't get dangerous, but he was a bit obsessive and thereby a little freaky.
He tried to friend me on Facebook a few weeks ago. I ignored it as last time things got a bit out of control with him, and I didn't want that happening again. When he was manic he got obsessive, but when he was depressed, he could go for days, weeks even without moving from one spot.
Did I do the rigjht thing? Did I have anything to do with his ultimate decision? Am I just being concieted in turning everything around so that it has something to do with me?
RIP JDS. I am truly sorry for whatever hurt I may have caused, and I hope you finally find the peace you were searching for.
I don't remember if I've mentioned Mutt & Jeff before. They were quite a duo. It was Jeff who passed away. He was a soft spoken, kind, gentle soul. The kind of person you felt you wanted to know cause you felt safe with him. He was a big guy, very tall, and all soft and snuggly. His heart was always in the right place, and he always meant well.
But Jeff wasn't always well. I never learned what exactly was wrong with him, but he definitely was imbalanced in some way. If I garnered a guess, I'd say he had bipolar disorder. When he was taking meds to control it, he was the nicest guy, but he didn't really believe in chemical medicine. He seemed to have a more natural/wholistic view of things. When he was off his meds, he didn't get dangerous, but he was a bit obsessive and thereby a little freaky.
He tried to friend me on Facebook a few weeks ago. I ignored it as last time things got a bit out of control with him, and I didn't want that happening again. When he was manic he got obsessive, but when he was depressed, he could go for days, weeks even without moving from one spot.
Did I do the rigjht thing? Did I have anything to do with his ultimate decision? Am I just being concieted in turning everything around so that it has something to do with me?
RIP JDS. I am truly sorry for whatever hurt I may have caused, and I hope you finally find the peace you were searching for.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Quote for the Day
The problem with growing up is that once you're grown up, people who aren't grown up aren't fun anymore. ~ Lev Grossman, The Magicians.
That's all. Sorry it's a short post, but I couldn't post this on Facebook, or the majority of my "friends" would know I meant them.
Does this make me a horrible and superficial person? Or do I just need to find an older crowd to hang out with? And where might they be, may I ask? Cause this being the more (most?) mature in the group is getting pretty old. (every pun intended)
That's all. Sorry it's a short post, but I couldn't post this on Facebook, or the majority of my "friends" would know I meant them.
Does this make me a horrible and superficial person? Or do I just need to find an older crowd to hang out with? And where might they be, may I ask? Cause this being the more (most?) mature in the group is getting pretty old. (every pun intended)
Thursday, July 22, 2010
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
The Good:
***We just got a Keurig coffeemaker at work. With Green Mountain coffee!!! I was introduced to Green Mountain coffee back in college and fell in love with the Rainforest Nut flavor. When I realized I could have it delivered at home, I was over the moon. When I further realized just how expensive a coffee habit can be, I decided it was more fun to be pleasantly surprised when I discover it in a coffee house or bodega I happen to be patronizing. Ahem.
As for the whole Keurig dispenser idea, I've been a bit ambivalent. Yes the whole concept of no measuring and a different flavor every cup is enticing, but then you've got to weigh it against all the trash and consumerism of it all that has become the bane of our existence. This could probably be on my "The Bad" list as well.
Of course, let's not leave off (at least for the next few weeks) the novelty of it all. There are so many flavors, so many choices, so many unlimited amounts of paper cups to fill! I've actually even already determined the fact that I could go out and buy a flavor I want to keep at my desk and single serve myself. I've already had three different flavors, and there are plenty more waiting to be discovered. Having weaned myself off coffee last summer, I'm already feeling the effects of the caffeine and sugar. I might have to re-wean myself after today alone. I quickly see this becoming "The Ugly".
***There were peel and eat shrimp at the salad bar I go to for lunch. Score! 'nough said.
The Bad:
*** I'm going out for dinner and an outdoor movie. Which does actually sound like it should be on the "Good" list. And it would be except for the fact that I can't remember the name of the person I'm going with. There's a singles/professionals group I'm part of, and I met this girl there at one of the happy hours. Actually I've met her twice, but when you go to happy hours there's always so many people that you run into/meet, and depending on how happy you decide to get that night, things can be a bit hazy later. The second time I met her she gave me her Facebook profile name, but it's different from her actual name as she's a doctor and she wants to keep her anonymity, you know, to protect the innocent. So I'm hoping, I can sort of slip it in again and discover what her name is and remember it this time without her analyzing me too much. Oh, did I mention she's a psychiatric-type doctor? Ahem, again.
The Ugly:
*** House prices. Or more specifically, what we can expect to sell our house for. I know I haven't written too much about my mom. You were probably starting to wonder about my blog premise, and if there was a mom involved at all. Well, I've been trying to keep things light on this blog. And truthfully, things can get a bit heated and frustrating when it comes to my mom and our whole situation. With my mom and me AND SISTER (oh, did I forget to mention her earlier?) all living together for the past four years in the house cum preschool cum house that is a work in progress, things can get a bit tense quite often.
We moved in together at a transition point for all of us, figuring we'd pool our resources and come out better at the other end. Well that should have been only for about a year. But since it's turned into four years, and things in many ways are worse than when we started and certainly not better, we've decided to transition again. But to our own places this time (my idea). In order to go our separate ways though, we need to sell this house/school building first. And with the housing market being such that it is, this will be no easy feat. We've had some realtors come out to look at the house, and in the half-a**ed (excuse me, half-finished) state it's currently in, the numbers aren't looking good. Not awful, but not what we were hoping, and not what my mom keeps insisting she needs to survive. Ahem, (the third?) We have two more realtors coming on Saturday. We'll see what that day brings.
And the Funny: (had to throw this in, couldn't end on a sour note)
(As I get into my new car that my mom is picking me up in - is it just me or is everyone else in my family getting way more use out of my new car than I am?)
Me: Wow, you've really got the air pumping.
Mom: Well, it's so hot in here.
Me: Uh, Mom? Why do you have the seat warmers on? If you push on the dial, it turns the seat warmers on. You have to turn it to get the air blowing.
Mom: Oh, is that why it's so hot in here? I just thought I was having a hot flash!
Me: Yeah Mom. That would be why you're feeling all toasty.
***We just got a Keurig coffeemaker at work. With Green Mountain coffee!!! I was introduced to Green Mountain coffee back in college and fell in love with the Rainforest Nut flavor. When I realized I could have it delivered at home, I was over the moon. When I further realized just how expensive a coffee habit can be, I decided it was more fun to be pleasantly surprised when I discover it in a coffee house or bodega I happen to be patronizing. Ahem.
As for the whole Keurig dispenser idea, I've been a bit ambivalent. Yes the whole concept of no measuring and a different flavor every cup is enticing, but then you've got to weigh it against all the trash and consumerism of it all that has become the bane of our existence. This could probably be on my "The Bad" list as well.
Of course, let's not leave off (at least for the next few weeks) the novelty of it all. There are so many flavors, so many choices, so many unlimited amounts of paper cups to fill! I've actually even already determined the fact that I could go out and buy a flavor I want to keep at my desk and single serve myself. I've already had three different flavors, and there are plenty more waiting to be discovered. Having weaned myself off coffee last summer, I'm already feeling the effects of the caffeine and sugar. I might have to re-wean myself after today alone. I quickly see this becoming "The Ugly".
***There were peel and eat shrimp at the salad bar I go to for lunch. Score! 'nough said.
The Bad:
*** I'm going out for dinner and an outdoor movie. Which does actually sound like it should be on the "Good" list. And it would be except for the fact that I can't remember the name of the person I'm going with. There's a singles/professionals group I'm part of, and I met this girl there at one of the happy hours. Actually I've met her twice, but when you go to happy hours there's always so many people that you run into/meet, and depending on how happy you decide to get that night, things can be a bit hazy later. The second time I met her she gave me her Facebook profile name, but it's different from her actual name as she's a doctor and she wants to keep her anonymity, you know, to protect the innocent. So I'm hoping, I can sort of slip it in again and discover what her name is and remember it this time without her analyzing me too much. Oh, did I mention she's a psychiatric-type doctor? Ahem, again.
The Ugly:
*** House prices. Or more specifically, what we can expect to sell our house for. I know I haven't written too much about my mom. You were probably starting to wonder about my blog premise, and if there was a mom involved at all. Well, I've been trying to keep things light on this blog. And truthfully, things can get a bit heated and frustrating when it comes to my mom and our whole situation. With my mom and me AND SISTER (oh, did I forget to mention her earlier?) all living together for the past four years in the house cum preschool cum house that is a work in progress, things can get a bit tense quite often.
We moved in together at a transition point for all of us, figuring we'd pool our resources and come out better at the other end. Well that should have been only for about a year. But since it's turned into four years, and things in many ways are worse than when we started and certainly not better, we've decided to transition again. But to our own places this time (my idea). In order to go our separate ways though, we need to sell this house/school building first. And with the housing market being such that it is, this will be no easy feat. We've had some realtors come out to look at the house, and in the half-a**ed (excuse me, half-finished) state it's currently in, the numbers aren't looking good. Not awful, but not what we were hoping, and not what my mom keeps insisting she needs to survive. Ahem, (the third?) We have two more realtors coming on Saturday. We'll see what that day brings.
And the Funny: (had to throw this in, couldn't end on a sour note)
(As I get into my new car that my mom is picking me up in - is it just me or is everyone else in my family getting way more use out of my new car than I am?)
Me: Wow, you've really got the air pumping.
Mom: Well, it's so hot in here.
Me: Uh, Mom? Why do you have the seat warmers on? If you push on the dial, it turns the seat warmers on. You have to turn it to get the air blowing.
Mom: Oh, is that why it's so hot in here? I just thought I was having a hot flash!
Me: Yeah Mom. That would be why you're feeling all toasty.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Funny things said in the car ride to and from work with my Bro
Sitting at the stop light at the corner of Haddon Ave & Kings Highway...
Me (looking over his shoulder at the Jay West windows): Sorry, when I stop at this corner I like to check out the dresses in the Jay West windows.
Him: When I stop at this corner I like to check out the Happy Hippo!
And, on a Friday morning when I have off, so I'm dropping him off at work so that I have the car to run errands and stuff.
Me: You know, you've driven this new car more than me.
Him: Yeah, I know, it's kind of funny. Heh!
Me (smelling the coffee and egg sandwich he just picked up at the Wawa): Maybe I could stop and get breakfast. Hey, the Pop Shop is sort of on my way home from dropping you off! I could just stop!
Him: Yeah, knock yourself out. (in the manner of an old '50s housewives TV show) You've got the car for a day!
Me:
Him: !
Me: Uh, it's my car.
Him:!
Happy Monday Peeps!
Me (looking over his shoulder at the Jay West windows): Sorry, when I stop at this corner I like to check out the dresses in the Jay West windows.
Him: When I stop at this corner I like to check out the Happy Hippo!
And, on a Friday morning when I have off, so I'm dropping him off at work so that I have the car to run errands and stuff.
Me: You know, you've driven this new car more than me.
Him: Yeah, I know, it's kind of funny. Heh!
Me (smelling the coffee and egg sandwich he just picked up at the Wawa): Maybe I could stop and get breakfast. Hey, the Pop Shop is sort of on my way home from dropping you off! I could just stop!
Him: Yeah, knock yourself out. (in the manner of an old '50s housewives TV show) You've got the car for a day!
Me:
Him: !
Me: Uh, it's my car.
Him:!
Happy Monday Peeps!
Friday, July 16, 2010
Mr Scorpio
"Hi Katy!" "Mr Scorpio!" This was a suprise. I wasn't expecting to see him tonight at all. Here I was at a happy hour/apartment showing (I love when these kinds of things are combined)trying to play it as cool as I can with Renaissance Boy. Somewhat ignoring him while at the same time keeping an eye on him. I'm chatting with some of my new found girlfriends, he's not too far away talking with the boys. It was getting late. Since the happy hour was on the roofdeck of said apartment building, they were starting to ask us to leave. Bitchy Poo (for there are no other words to describe her) had sauntered up to Ren Boy and was chatting him up. Since it was time to go, I casually got up with the intention of going over and kissing him good night. Aren't we all occassionally entitled to let out our inner bitchy poo?
I was approaching Ren Boy and Miss Bitch, when Scorp intercepted me. It was like it happened in slow motion. Ten years ago, I would have loved this. Ten years I was fawning all over Mr Scorpio, much the way Bitchy Poo is to Ren Boy at the moment. But for me, right now, I'm left speechless; unfortunately, not breathless. Scorpio and I have quite a past, and although I would have thought I'd have loved for it to be a romantic past, it never quite evolved into that.
Imagine a younger Katy, say early twenties. She's in her first job. Not quite fresh out of college, but close enough. She's enjoying work, just got her first car, is enjoying her new found freedom, and is looking for some fun. Fun comes along in the way of Mr Scorpio.
Mr. Scorpio is twleve years her senior. He's close to her height, which for this young Katy is something she never really thought she'd be able to consider, being as petite as she is. He's cute, sexy, and has a zest for life that Katy had always envied but was never quite able to work up the gumption to display. He works in the same building as her and is introduced to her at the building holiday party. She's enchanted. He comes up to see her in her office, she goes down to see him. They go to lunch, have great discussions. Then he comes up one day and drops a bombshell. He tells her he's been in an on-again/off-again relationship for several years. He's very attracted to Katy, and if here weren't mixed up with this other woman, he'd definitely be dating Katy. So Katy tells him she understands. Could they still be friends? Sure, says Scorp. (This is Katy's first big mistake.) Then Scorp's friend starts working at his organization. Scorp stops coming up to see Katy, but sends his friend instead. Katy likes the guy as a friend, but is really interested in Scorp. After all, he's the hot one! The three of them start going out after work: dinner, shows, nothing too much, but they're in the city, why not. Eventually, (maybe not too eventually but Katy is young and doesn't realize) the friend starts liking Katy. Of course being young and inexperienced and being interested in Scorpio, she totally misses this. Looking back, I think this may have been Scorpio's intention, then he could let me off the hook and not feel guilty.)
The friend starts getting friendlier, and after a bit a little too close for Katy's comfort. But the three of them keep going out. Katry's having so much fun, she doesn't really care if they're going out on the town as a threesome. And the friend seems harmless enough. She sets up a double date with one of her girlfriends. Hoping to get Scorp's friend off her back. It sort of works, but then he starts to call her girlfriend. A lot. She finds out from Scorp that his friend is borderline bipolar, and has gone through some bouts of major depression. Meds work, but he doesn't really like taking his meds. But around the same time, the friend gets let go from his job. So Katy figures he won't become a problem and she doesn't have to worry. But he starts calling her. A lot. And once or twice he comes into the city during the work day just to see Katy. If she were interested, she would be flattered. As it is, she's a little creeped out. Her girlfriend says that he was calling her a lot too, and she was considering him to be stalker material. There was a lot of freaky phone calls and messages, and Scorps friend eventually did wind up in a hospital for a while. But then Katy changed her phone and her friend did too. So he couldn't find them, adn things went back to normal more or less.
During this same time, Katy was actually trying to put the moves on Scorpio. She figured that if he was interested even a little maybe he would eventually leave his on-again/off-again for her. Yes of course he wasn't going to do this, but we're all young once and have to learn this stuff through experience. There was quite a bit of heavy petting, and to this day, Scorp was the best kisser I've ever known. But in the end I got a new job in NYC, and moved there for awhile. It took a whole new relationshsip with the Italian Stallion from Brooklyn to get Scorp off my mind, but it worked. And the Italian Stallion was definitely a lot of fun while it lasted. The Italian Stallion was my first. Yes, ok so I was a little older for my first, but I feel like it was good that I waited a bit. I could fully appreciate him and what we were doing and yet still feel like I was young enough for it not to be weird. But all that's a post for another time.
Mr Scorpio and I have kept in touch off and on through the years. He's no longer seeing that woman, and has been in a couple of other relationships since then. He still can't hold down a decent job, and still only wants to know where the next party is. It was very surreal seeing him up there on that roof deck where I was trying to fit in with my new friends. I missed my opportunity to kiss Ren Boy goodnight and rub Bitchy's nose in it. Actually, I missed Ren Boy altogether, which might be for the best. I mean, what was I rubbing her nose in anyway? I'm not his girlfriend anymore. I should just leave him alone and let him be. I don't need to be confusing him. Because although I still care about him and want things to turn out right for him, I don't want him as a boyfriend. He's just not what I need.
It's times like this that I really wish I were married to my right guy with children and a family already. I'm tired of the whole singles scene rat race. For yes, it is it's own rat race. Calling Mr Right (not Mr Right Now)! I'm ready for you. Where are you? And when are you going to rescue me from this pretensious hell I'm living in at the moment?
I was approaching Ren Boy and Miss Bitch, when Scorp intercepted me. It was like it happened in slow motion. Ten years ago, I would have loved this. Ten years I was fawning all over Mr Scorpio, much the way Bitchy Poo is to Ren Boy at the moment. But for me, right now, I'm left speechless; unfortunately, not breathless. Scorpio and I have quite a past, and although I would have thought I'd have loved for it to be a romantic past, it never quite evolved into that.
Imagine a younger Katy, say early twenties. She's in her first job. Not quite fresh out of college, but close enough. She's enjoying work, just got her first car, is enjoying her new found freedom, and is looking for some fun. Fun comes along in the way of Mr Scorpio.
Mr. Scorpio is twleve years her senior. He's close to her height, which for this young Katy is something she never really thought she'd be able to consider, being as petite as she is. He's cute, sexy, and has a zest for life that Katy had always envied but was never quite able to work up the gumption to display. He works in the same building as her and is introduced to her at the building holiday party. She's enchanted. He comes up to see her in her office, she goes down to see him. They go to lunch, have great discussions. Then he comes up one day and drops a bombshell. He tells her he's been in an on-again/off-again relationship for several years. He's very attracted to Katy, and if here weren't mixed up with this other woman, he'd definitely be dating Katy. So Katy tells him she understands. Could they still be friends? Sure, says Scorp. (This is Katy's first big mistake.) Then Scorp's friend starts working at his organization. Scorp stops coming up to see Katy, but sends his friend instead. Katy likes the guy as a friend, but is really interested in Scorp. After all, he's the hot one! The three of them start going out after work: dinner, shows, nothing too much, but they're in the city, why not. Eventually, (maybe not too eventually but Katy is young and doesn't realize) the friend starts liking Katy. Of course being young and inexperienced and being interested in Scorpio, she totally misses this. Looking back, I think this may have been Scorpio's intention, then he could let me off the hook and not feel guilty.)
The friend starts getting friendlier, and after a bit a little too close for Katy's comfort. But the three of them keep going out. Katry's having so much fun, she doesn't really care if they're going out on the town as a threesome. And the friend seems harmless enough. She sets up a double date with one of her girlfriends. Hoping to get Scorp's friend off her back. It sort of works, but then he starts to call her girlfriend. A lot. She finds out from Scorp that his friend is borderline bipolar, and has gone through some bouts of major depression. Meds work, but he doesn't really like taking his meds. But around the same time, the friend gets let go from his job. So Katy figures he won't become a problem and she doesn't have to worry. But he starts calling her. A lot. And once or twice he comes into the city during the work day just to see Katy. If she were interested, she would be flattered. As it is, she's a little creeped out. Her girlfriend says that he was calling her a lot too, and she was considering him to be stalker material. There was a lot of freaky phone calls and messages, and Scorps friend eventually did wind up in a hospital for a while. But then Katy changed her phone and her friend did too. So he couldn't find them, adn things went back to normal more or less.
During this same time, Katy was actually trying to put the moves on Scorpio. She figured that if he was interested even a little maybe he would eventually leave his on-again/off-again for her. Yes of course he wasn't going to do this, but we're all young once and have to learn this stuff through experience. There was quite a bit of heavy petting, and to this day, Scorp was the best kisser I've ever known. But in the end I got a new job in NYC, and moved there for awhile. It took a whole new relationshsip with the Italian Stallion from Brooklyn to get Scorp off my mind, but it worked. And the Italian Stallion was definitely a lot of fun while it lasted. The Italian Stallion was my first. Yes, ok so I was a little older for my first, but I feel like it was good that I waited a bit. I could fully appreciate him and what we were doing and yet still feel like I was young enough for it not to be weird. But all that's a post for another time.
Mr Scorpio and I have kept in touch off and on through the years. He's no longer seeing that woman, and has been in a couple of other relationships since then. He still can't hold down a decent job, and still only wants to know where the next party is. It was very surreal seeing him up there on that roof deck where I was trying to fit in with my new friends. I missed my opportunity to kiss Ren Boy goodnight and rub Bitchy's nose in it. Actually, I missed Ren Boy altogether, which might be for the best. I mean, what was I rubbing her nose in anyway? I'm not his girlfriend anymore. I should just leave him alone and let him be. I don't need to be confusing him. Because although I still care about him and want things to turn out right for him, I don't want him as a boyfriend. He's just not what I need.
It's times like this that I really wish I were married to my right guy with children and a family already. I'm tired of the whole singles scene rat race. For yes, it is it's own rat race. Calling Mr Right (not Mr Right Now)! I'm ready for you. Where are you? And when are you going to rescue me from this pretensious hell I'm living in at the moment?
Monday, July 12, 2010
Solar Eclipse
Supposedly, eclipses bring change, of the rattling your cage, slap you in the face kind. They make time move at warp speed and decisions that you've been putting off are sort of made for you with circumstance being dropped unceremoniously in your lap. Last week was just like that, leading up to the solar eclipse yesterday.
I found myself needing say good-bye to my car, my precious Katy! We had some great times and some pretty wild adventures! She went with me for my three month stint in NYC back in 2002 in the wake of 9-11. We could make it back home to South Jersey early on a Saturday morning in a little over an hour (and that was with stopping for bagels.) She lived in the 'hood with me when I moved to Philly in 2003, driving to all those crazy jobs: down to Wilmington, back up to King of Prussia, before coming home at the end of some very long days. Even taking a bullet for me (don't worry, it was overnight and I wasn't in the car at the time.) We've been down the shore, and to the dog park more times than I can count. We even took her on a road trip out to Long Island and then onto Newport, Rhode Island. Those were good times!
But last Saturday, after picking my mother up from her job working for an orchestral camp for a few weeks, on the ride home (luckily we were only a few minutes from home at the time) Katy's "check engine" light came on. It was Fourth of July weekend so we waited until Tuesday morning, then I drove her carefully to the dealership and let them take a look at her. They came back saying that one of her sensors was broken. It was the sensor that regulates how much gas is filtered into the motor, and would cost around $800 to fix. I suppose that wouldn't be a huge deal if I hadn't just spent $1100 in June and $500 back in March. The year's only half over and if I made this fix, I would have spent $2400. I already knew that the air conditioner needed to be fixed by going in through the dash, and some of the electrical things in the door that regulate the locking mechanism would also need to be fixed, the timing belt was coming due. These were some further big ticket items, and that didn't include the next maintenance that would be coming up. Finacially, it just wasn't looking good for Katy.
And so I made the decision to get a new car. I got the same VW golf as Katy, just the newer model. Luckily, I know the sales manager, so I was able to get a really good deal. Although I have the same tags, I decided there can only be one Katydid, so my new car I'm calling Gilbert, Gil or Gilly for short. He rides really smooth and has a CD player, bluetooth, and even seat warmers! I'm sure I'll appreciate them once I've finished mourning Katy.
I found myself needing say good-bye to my car, my precious Katy! We had some great times and some pretty wild adventures! She went with me for my three month stint in NYC back in 2002 in the wake of 9-11. We could make it back home to South Jersey early on a Saturday morning in a little over an hour (and that was with stopping for bagels.) She lived in the 'hood with me when I moved to Philly in 2003, driving to all those crazy jobs: down to Wilmington, back up to King of Prussia, before coming home at the end of some very long days. Even taking a bullet for me (don't worry, it was overnight and I wasn't in the car at the time.) We've been down the shore, and to the dog park more times than I can count. We even took her on a road trip out to Long Island and then onto Newport, Rhode Island. Those were good times!
But last Saturday, after picking my mother up from her job working for an orchestral camp for a few weeks, on the ride home (luckily we were only a few minutes from home at the time) Katy's "check engine" light came on. It was Fourth of July weekend so we waited until Tuesday morning, then I drove her carefully to the dealership and let them take a look at her. They came back saying that one of her sensors was broken. It was the sensor that regulates how much gas is filtered into the motor, and would cost around $800 to fix. I suppose that wouldn't be a huge deal if I hadn't just spent $1100 in June and $500 back in March. The year's only half over and if I made this fix, I would have spent $2400. I already knew that the air conditioner needed to be fixed by going in through the dash, and some of the electrical things in the door that regulate the locking mechanism would also need to be fixed, the timing belt was coming due. These were some further big ticket items, and that didn't include the next maintenance that would be coming up. Finacially, it just wasn't looking good for Katy.
And so I made the decision to get a new car. I got the same VW golf as Katy, just the newer model. Luckily, I know the sales manager, so I was able to get a really good deal. Although I have the same tags, I decided there can only be one Katydid, so my new car I'm calling Gilbert, Gil or Gilly for short. He rides really smooth and has a CD player, bluetooth, and even seat warmers! I'm sure I'll appreciate them once I've finished mourning Katy.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Classic vs Classy
My Bro and I are riding back from work in my car. It's a long drive and fighting shore traffic on 4th of July weekend is making it even longer. So we're chatting along. I'm pointing out the big houses I'd love to live in as we drive through one of the more luxurious neighborhoods we go through. I tell him about how one of my friends introduced me to a guy at the happy hour I went to last night. The guy was in around my age, but since he came from money, he wasn't really working for real. He had a bunch of little side things he was doing, but nothing to write home about. Meanwhile he owned a condo in Town, had his own business, but wasn't exactly working, you know?
So this steered the conversation in a whole other direction. Where we groan about all the kids we grew up with in all the neighborhoods we lived in and near and were currently driving through. Kids who never really had to learn how to make it on their own because their parents were always footing the bill for them. Kids who never really had to learn responsibility, because what was the point if mommy and daddy will always be there to catch them? We're laughing about it, like we always do.
"That must be something. Must be really nice to not have to ever worry."
"Yeah."
"I remember... and I don't think I've ever actually told anyone this before... But I remember when me and a couple of my friends were walking through the neighborhood back home. We were carrying around a bunch of beers in our pockets, and getting pretty drunk. We were passing these huge houses with 3 and 4 car garages. Two big SUVs per house, plus daddy's little play car, plus a car for each child driver in the family. We were having the same kind of conversation we're having now. So then we decided to leave some of our empty beer bottles in some random mailboxes. You know, just because."
"...!..."
Then we both started laughing. It was so ridiculous, and yet so perfect.
"That is totally classic," I told him. "But not to be confused with classy. Which you are not."
"Oh, I know," he said. "I know."
So this steered the conversation in a whole other direction. Where we groan about all the kids we grew up with in all the neighborhoods we lived in and near and were currently driving through. Kids who never really had to learn how to make it on their own because their parents were always footing the bill for them. Kids who never really had to learn responsibility, because what was the point if mommy and daddy will always be there to catch them? We're laughing about it, like we always do.
"That must be something. Must be really nice to not have to ever worry."
"Yeah."
"I remember... and I don't think I've ever actually told anyone this before... But I remember when me and a couple of my friends were walking through the neighborhood back home. We were carrying around a bunch of beers in our pockets, and getting pretty drunk. We were passing these huge houses with 3 and 4 car garages. Two big SUVs per house, plus daddy's little play car, plus a car for each child driver in the family. We were having the same kind of conversation we're having now. So then we decided to leave some of our empty beer bottles in some random mailboxes. You know, just because."
"...!..."
Then we both started laughing. It was so ridiculous, and yet so perfect.
"That is totally classic," I told him. "But not to be confused with classy. Which you are not."
"Oh, I know," he said. "I know."
An Old Friend
I just ran into the guy who owned the video store in my neighborhood when I was living in the city. He was a nicer older gentleman, probably in his 50s, barbershop mustache, always talking with someone outside his store, you know the type. He was always a welcome face on my way home from one of my late night jobs. Always had the right thing to say, the right amount of encouragement.
Renaissance Boy lived in the same neighborhood as I used to. When we'd walk through the neighborhood, sometimes we pass where the store had been. It closed around the same time that I moved out; I think there's a coffee shop there now. Whenever we passed I'd feel a certain bit of nostalgia. When I was living there I was juggling one full time and two part time jobs just to make ends meet. I was tired. I was stressed. I was overwhelmed. But I was also on my own, calling my own shots, not having to worry about anyone else. There's a peacefulness to that lifestyle, I realize now. Something I currently don't have with my arrangement with Mom. Something I would love to have again.
Every time we'd walk and pass by the video store spot I'd wonder what happened to the owner. I missed his little pep talks, "You're heading in the wrong direction. You've got to turn around and find a party somewhere and meet some people. You shouldn't be working so hard, you need to meet a nice rich man who can take you away from all this." It was enough to make most girls my age cringe. But me? I found it comforting somehow.
I've been thinking about those times a lot lately. About him. Just in a father daughter way (really people!). And who should I run into today on my way to a happy hour? Yep, the one and the same. He told me the same little pep talk. It made me smile. Do you ever think that maybe there really are guardian angels? Or that fate places certain people in our path just when we need to see them most? I have warm fuzzies now. And this happy that I really wasn't sure I was looking forward to, I feel better about. Nothing like a little pep talk to get you back out there.
Renaissance Boy lived in the same neighborhood as I used to. When we'd walk through the neighborhood, sometimes we pass where the store had been. It closed around the same time that I moved out; I think there's a coffee shop there now. Whenever we passed I'd feel a certain bit of nostalgia. When I was living there I was juggling one full time and two part time jobs just to make ends meet. I was tired. I was stressed. I was overwhelmed. But I was also on my own, calling my own shots, not having to worry about anyone else. There's a peacefulness to that lifestyle, I realize now. Something I currently don't have with my arrangement with Mom. Something I would love to have again.
Every time we'd walk and pass by the video store spot I'd wonder what happened to the owner. I missed his little pep talks, "You're heading in the wrong direction. You've got to turn around and find a party somewhere and meet some people. You shouldn't be working so hard, you need to meet a nice rich man who can take you away from all this." It was enough to make most girls my age cringe. But me? I found it comforting somehow.
I've been thinking about those times a lot lately. About him. Just in a father daughter way (really people!). And who should I run into today on my way to a happy hour? Yep, the one and the same. He told me the same little pep talk. It made me smile. Do you ever think that maybe there really are guardian angels? Or that fate places certain people in our path just when we need to see them most? I have warm fuzzies now. And this happy that I really wasn't sure I was looking forward to, I feel better about. Nothing like a little pep talk to get you back out there.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Single with Mom
This post is a transition post from my old blog KatydidFliesAgain. I will be posting here from now on. Enjoy the ride! I know I am.
The Girl came home today buzzing about this new TV show called Single with Parents. It stars Alyssa Milano, you know Tony's daughter Sam from Who's the Boss. Boy, that was a good show. Anyway, this new show, Single with Parents was supposed to start back in 2008 but never made on the air. It's a shame really, the pilot looked pretty funny, if not a little messed up.
The girl has been saying for awhile that there must be more people out there like her. Young 20/30-somethings who moved back home, not so their parents could take care of them, but so they could help their parents. There's been talk lately about the "Sandwich Generation" which has been sandwiched with their children needing help but also their aging parents needing help. I swear, the Boomers come up with more reincarnations for themselves. But why assume they are the only ones dealing with this problem? Why are GenXers always getting such a bad rap?
There must be some type of support group or at least others of the girl's peers who are going through the same thing. But, after a fairly thorough search turned up nil, the girl has decided to start her own unofficial support group, of sorts.
You can find her at SinglewithMom.blogspot.com. She's looking forward to regaling you all with her stories, or at least offering you some gripes to chuckle at. Oh, and leave comments! How else is she to know that she's not the only one?
The Girl came home today buzzing about this new TV show called Single with Parents. It stars Alyssa Milano, you know Tony's daughter Sam from Who's the Boss. Boy, that was a good show. Anyway, this new show, Single with Parents was supposed to start back in 2008 but never made on the air. It's a shame really, the pilot looked pretty funny, if not a little messed up.
The girl has been saying for awhile that there must be more people out there like her. Young 20/30-somethings who moved back home, not so their parents could take care of them, but so they could help their parents. There's been talk lately about the "Sandwich Generation" which has been sandwiched with their children needing help but also their aging parents needing help. I swear, the Boomers come up with more reincarnations for themselves. But why assume they are the only ones dealing with this problem? Why are GenXers always getting such a bad rap?
There must be some type of support group or at least others of the girl's peers who are going through the same thing. But, after a fairly thorough search turned up nil, the girl has decided to start her own unofficial support group, of sorts.
You can find her at SinglewithMom.blogspot.com. She's looking forward to regaling you all with her stories, or at least offering you some gripes to chuckle at. Oh, and leave comments! How else is she to know that she's not the only one?
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