As of 10:00 am this morning, the Gipper has unblocked me. Little did he realize that I had blocked him yesterday after I got off the phone with him. Apparently, when you block someone, they can't see you, find you, or be able to search for you on fb. It's like they don't even have an account. However, and this is a big however, you can still see them and their posts, at least the ones they have as public or "friends of friends". I'm guessing he figured, he'd block me and the two of us wouldn't be able to see each other's walls. (Hense why he couldn't see mine) But then all the things he accused me of, the fb stalking and such? Yeah, apparently, he's the one (or he also) can't keep away from me. He must have thought that he couldn't see my stuff becasue he had blcoked me. So he probably figured he'd unblock me and be able to see my stuff again, and also that way I could find him, but he tried limiting what I could see so I wouldn't get hurt, but whatever! He wanted to see my wall, and probably figured he couldn't see it cause he had blocked me, but actually he couldn't see it cause I blocked him! Hah! I wonder how long it will take for him to contact me and try to apologize and make it all better?
Ummm... Geez, actually, I am sounding a bit maniacal. Perhaps I should look into a bit of therapy.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I've really done it this time
Why do all of my posts have to do with the Gipper?
Yesterday, he called me, which was funny cause I was thinking about calling him, but not for the reasons you may think. I know I haven't written much the past couple of months, but the Gipper and I had sort of come to an understanding. Basically, it went back to the way it had been, although much less intense, much less contact. But he got to keep his friend, and I got to keep my illusion. It was with the understanding that I didn't want to know who or what, where, when, he was dating. He tried to stick to this, but always managed to sneak bits and pieces into our conversations.
Anyway, last week, on facebook, I saw that one of the girls who he had friended and had been commenting with then friended his mom and sister. I knew that meant he had brought her home to "meet the family". I know in guy talk that means not that much, at least according to Rori, but he never took me home to meet any of them. Why? Then I saw Sunday night, he posted pictures of him and her at the beach in OC. They were, you know, "we're having so much fun together" pictures. And it hurt all over again.
So yesterday, I really started thinking about why I continue to do this to myself? As long as we're friends on facebook, I'm going to get hurt cause I'm going to continue to see this stuff. I've tried hiding his posts from my wall, but I know I can always go check out his wall, and the temptation is just too great. Plus the fact, that I really don't want him to know what I'm up to. It's not his business. He's deemed it so by "just wanting to be friends", although he would argue this last point I'm sure.
So towards the end of the day, I blocked my new posts from him right before I left for the day. Then on the train, I really thought about it. By doing that, I was sort of punishing him and hoping for a reaction, when really what I needed to do was keep myself from him, not necessarily the other way around. As I was deciding to call him once I got home and explain things to him (again) and tell him that I wanted to unfriend him so that I wouldn't have to see his posts and have that temptation and continue to get hurt again and again and again, he called me. I swear it's like we're in sync somehow. Lately, I'll hear from him every 2 weeks, this last time it was about a month, but we texted a bit last Thursday, so I thought I wouldn't be hearing from him for awhile. But it was only a handful of days since we texted. Perhaps he knows how much he pushes my buttons and wants to see how far he can go and how much he can get away with. Well, he finally pushed too hard.
I explained myself to him, and told him it would be easier for me to not be facebook friends. He showed me that we'd still be able to see each other's posts. But said that if we blocked each other then we'd each disappear from each other's facebook pages all together. So that's what we did. Then we said a few choice words, achem. And then we hung up. Then he started texting me, and all his anger came out. We said quite a bit more hurtful things. He suggested I get some therapy, that I was acting psychotic and I was scaring him. Can you imagine? I told him, a therapist would tell me to do the exact thing I was doing. And, a psychotic person wouldn't see there was anything wrong with the "facebook stalking" as he called it, whereas I realized I needed to stop. That I was only hurting myself, and was trying to help myself and rectify the situation. He didn't see it that way. I think he was just angry. He said he wasn't even sure he knew who I really was ("he didn't have to worry about me coming over and burning down his house or anything, did he?" - the nerve!), and totally didn't have any interest in being my friend any longer.
I hate when things end on a bad note. I've had breakups before (although Eye Doc would insist this couldn't be a breakup, since we were never dating) but I was always able to end things amicably, or relatively so. People would be sad, but not enemies. Maybe he just can only see things in black and white? I feel sorry for him. Oh, and that another thing. He said he felt sorry for me. For me! That he pitied me. Me! That I was running away and hiding from the situation. Honestly, he just needs to grow up. If he's even capable of doing that. I really feel like everything he told me was wrong with me, was actually all the things that he knows inherently are wrong with him.
Well, it is a full moon today, so I'm sure that's why things came to a head. And although I know I need to just let this go, and let him go, at least this way he knows I mean business. That I'm not going to tolerate his bull shit any longer. That I'm the other half of the friendship/ whatever it is/was, and my feelings need to be considered too. Secretly, for a little bit anyway, I'm going to hope that he'll realize how much he misses me and needs me and agree to at least try things my way. And in the meantime, since we'll have no contact with each other, I'll have a fighting chance of moving on. I probably really did it this time and he may not come back at all and I may never hear from him again. I'm sad and shocked, and hurt, but I know ultimately I did the right thing.
Why does life have to be so hard?
On a side note, I pulled some cards last night, and I kept pulling pentacles (!), like four different cards of them, plus the Page of wands and another very positive card (I forget exactly which one). I've decided to give the Arbonne a decent go. I didn't really do that before. I'm going to put myself out there. I thought all the networking meetups and groups would be a good way to get started. That way, I'll feel that I have a purpose and am not just approaching people arbitrarily. That makes me feel weird. But if I have a purpose, and a somewhat captive audience, I know I can sell this stuff. Heck, I can sell anything! I know. I've done it. I've done cold calling even, for mortgages no less, and gotten really really good leads. So I'm just going to go for it. Just taking a slightly different approach than what was suggested to me. If it works, then I've got myself a nice tidy little side business. And who knows? Perhaps I'll doo well enough that it can become my full time job. And then I'd have the money to live comfortably the way I want, and I'll have time to do all the things I enjoy but have no time for at the moment.
Things are hopefuly looking up. Here's to fresh starts all around!
Yesterday, he called me, which was funny cause I was thinking about calling him, but not for the reasons you may think. I know I haven't written much the past couple of months, but the Gipper and I had sort of come to an understanding. Basically, it went back to the way it had been, although much less intense, much less contact. But he got to keep his friend, and I got to keep my illusion. It was with the understanding that I didn't want to know who or what, where, when, he was dating. He tried to stick to this, but always managed to sneak bits and pieces into our conversations.
Anyway, last week, on facebook, I saw that one of the girls who he had friended and had been commenting with then friended his mom and sister. I knew that meant he had brought her home to "meet the family". I know in guy talk that means not that much, at least according to Rori, but he never took me home to meet any of them. Why? Then I saw Sunday night, he posted pictures of him and her at the beach in OC. They were, you know, "we're having so much fun together" pictures. And it hurt all over again.
So yesterday, I really started thinking about why I continue to do this to myself? As long as we're friends on facebook, I'm going to get hurt cause I'm going to continue to see this stuff. I've tried hiding his posts from my wall, but I know I can always go check out his wall, and the temptation is just too great. Plus the fact, that I really don't want him to know what I'm up to. It's not his business. He's deemed it so by "just wanting to be friends", although he would argue this last point I'm sure.
So towards the end of the day, I blocked my new posts from him right before I left for the day. Then on the train, I really thought about it. By doing that, I was sort of punishing him and hoping for a reaction, when really what I needed to do was keep myself from him, not necessarily the other way around. As I was deciding to call him once I got home and explain things to him (again) and tell him that I wanted to unfriend him so that I wouldn't have to see his posts and have that temptation and continue to get hurt again and again and again, he called me. I swear it's like we're in sync somehow. Lately, I'll hear from him every 2 weeks, this last time it was about a month, but we texted a bit last Thursday, so I thought I wouldn't be hearing from him for awhile. But it was only a handful of days since we texted. Perhaps he knows how much he pushes my buttons and wants to see how far he can go and how much he can get away with. Well, he finally pushed too hard.
I explained myself to him, and told him it would be easier for me to not be facebook friends. He showed me that we'd still be able to see each other's posts. But said that if we blocked each other then we'd each disappear from each other's facebook pages all together. So that's what we did. Then we said a few choice words, achem. And then we hung up. Then he started texting me, and all his anger came out. We said quite a bit more hurtful things. He suggested I get some therapy, that I was acting psychotic and I was scaring him. Can you imagine? I told him, a therapist would tell me to do the exact thing I was doing. And, a psychotic person wouldn't see there was anything wrong with the "facebook stalking" as he called it, whereas I realized I needed to stop. That I was only hurting myself, and was trying to help myself and rectify the situation. He didn't see it that way. I think he was just angry. He said he wasn't even sure he knew who I really was ("he didn't have to worry about me coming over and burning down his house or anything, did he?" - the nerve!), and totally didn't have any interest in being my friend any longer.
I hate when things end on a bad note. I've had breakups before (although Eye Doc would insist this couldn't be a breakup, since we were never dating) but I was always able to end things amicably, or relatively so. People would be sad, but not enemies. Maybe he just can only see things in black and white? I feel sorry for him. Oh, and that another thing. He said he felt sorry for me. For me! That he pitied me. Me! That I was running away and hiding from the situation. Honestly, he just needs to grow up. If he's even capable of doing that. I really feel like everything he told me was wrong with me, was actually all the things that he knows inherently are wrong with him.
Well, it is a full moon today, so I'm sure that's why things came to a head. And although I know I need to just let this go, and let him go, at least this way he knows I mean business. That I'm not going to tolerate his bull shit any longer. That I'm the other half of the friendship/ whatever it is/was, and my feelings need to be considered too. Secretly, for a little bit anyway, I'm going to hope that he'll realize how much he misses me and needs me and agree to at least try things my way. And in the meantime, since we'll have no contact with each other, I'll have a fighting chance of moving on. I probably really did it this time and he may not come back at all and I may never hear from him again. I'm sad and shocked, and hurt, but I know ultimately I did the right thing.
Why does life have to be so hard?
On a side note, I pulled some cards last night, and I kept pulling pentacles (!), like four different cards of them, plus the Page of wands and another very positive card (I forget exactly which one). I've decided to give the Arbonne a decent go. I didn't really do that before. I'm going to put myself out there. I thought all the networking meetups and groups would be a good way to get started. That way, I'll feel that I have a purpose and am not just approaching people arbitrarily. That makes me feel weird. But if I have a purpose, and a somewhat captive audience, I know I can sell this stuff. Heck, I can sell anything! I know. I've done it. I've done cold calling even, for mortgages no less, and gotten really really good leads. So I'm just going to go for it. Just taking a slightly different approach than what was suggested to me. If it works, then I've got myself a nice tidy little side business. And who knows? Perhaps I'll doo well enough that it can become my full time job. And then I'd have the money to live comfortably the way I want, and I'll have time to do all the things I enjoy but have no time for at the moment.
Things are hopefuly looking up. Here's to fresh starts all around!
Friday, October 7, 2011
A New Year, A Fresh Beginning
With Rosh Hashannah gone and Yom Kippur just upon us, I keep wanting to take stock of the last year. So much has happened. The Gipper and that whole saga, all the new friends I've made, re-entering the dating world with a fresh new perspective. Perhaps tomrrow I'll be able to get more down (on paper), but in the meantime I wanted to share this snippet from Lilith Magazine: Shema Yisroel. In it Rabbi Susan Schur references a line from a poem by Denise Levertov, "Marriage." I googled it, and her, and there are apparently two poems, "The Marriage," and "The Marriage II." I thknk I just fell in love with these poems, the first especially and with Denise Levertov, even more than Pablo Neruda.
The Marriage
You have my
attention: which is
a tenderness, beyond
what I may say. And I have
your constancy to
something beyond myself.
The force
of your commitment charges us--we live
in the sweep of it, taking courage
one from the other.
***
The Marriage (II)
I want to speak to you.
To whom else should I speak?
It is you who make
a world to speak of.
In your warmth the
fruits ripen--all the
apples and pears that grow
on the south wall of my
head. If you listen
it rains for them, then
they drink. If you
speak in response
the seeds
jump into the ground.
Speak or be silent: your silence
will speak to me.
The Marriage
You have my
attention: which is
a tenderness, beyond
what I may say. And I have
your constancy to
something beyond myself.
The force
of your commitment charges us--we live
in the sweep of it, taking courage
one from the other.
***
The Marriage (II)
I want to speak to you.
To whom else should I speak?
It is you who make
a world to speak of.
In your warmth the
fruits ripen--all the
apples and pears that grow
on the south wall of my
head. If you listen
it rains for them, then
they drink. If you
speak in response
the seeds
jump into the ground.
Speak or be silent: your silence
will speak to me.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Free Will Astrology
Years ago, I started following Free Will Astrology. He used to be publishing in the Philadelphia Weekly but isn't any longer (I don't think). In any case, his weekly horoscopes can be found online here: http://freewillastrology.com/home.shtml I also follow his facebook page. It seems eveyone who is anyone follows someone on facebook. Hah!
So on his facebook page he posted this, and I found it rather enlightening. I nneded someone to give me permission to do this. Although, somehow I feel like he's saying, "You only have to get permission from yourself to do this and it's ok to do this."
UNHAPPY HOUR
You're invited to celebrate Unhappy Hour. It's a ceremony that gives you a poetic license to rant and whine and howl and bitch about everything that hurts you and makes you feel bad.
During this perverse grace period, there's no need for you to be inhibited as you unleash your tortured squalls. You don't have to tone down the extremity of your desolate clamors. Unhappy Hour is a ritually consecrated excursion devoted to the full disclosure of your primal clash and jangle.
Here's the catch: It's brief. It's concise. It's crisp. You dive into your darkness for no more than 60 minutes, then climb back out, free and clear. It's called Unhappy Hour, not Unhappy Day or Unhappy Week or Unhappy Year.
Do you have the cheeky temerity to drench yourself in your paroxysmal alienation from life? Unhappy Hour invites you to plunge in and surrender. It dares you to scurry and squirm all the way down to the bottom of your pain, break through the bottom of your pain, and fall down flailing in the soggy, searing abyss, yelping and cringing and wallowing.
That's where you let your pain tell you every story it has to tell you. You let your pain teach you every lesson it has to teach you.
But then it's over. The ritual ordeal is complete. And your pain has to take a vacation until the next Unhappy Hour, which isn't until next week sometime, or maybe next month.
You see the way the game works? Between this Unhappy Hour and the next one, your pain has to shut up. It's not allowed to creep and seep all over everything, staining the flow of your daily life. It doesn't have free reign to infect you whenever it's itching for more power.
Your pain gets its succinct blast of glory, its resplendent climax, but leaves you alone the rest of the time.
If performed regularly, Unhappy Hour serves as an exorcism that empties you of psychic toxins, while at the same time -- miracle of miracles -- it helps you squeeze every last drop of blessed catharsis out of those psychic toxins.
Pronoia will then be able to flourish as you luxuriate more frequently in rosy moods and broad-minded visions. You'll develop a knack for cultivating smart joy and cagey optimism as your normal states of mind.
Now let's get you warmed up for Unhappy Hour.
First, let me hear you groan.
Second, let me hear you howl.
Third, let me hear you sigh.
Now say or sing these declarations:
Life is a bitch and everything stinks.
My pain is so bad I can hardly think.
I'm afraid to live, I'm afraid to die.
The world's so messed up, I can't even cry.
OK. You're almost ready. When I say GO, you will have as much freedom as you want to dredge up and steep yourself in your savage sorrow, your unspeakable doubt, your shrill anguish, your secret shame, and your fearful fantasies.
Give yourself permission to make guttural moans, rueful cackles, or animalistic growls and squawks. Argue with God or your parents or the past while blurting out manic, explosive wails. Allow yourself to be crushed and dissolved, flung around and flayed, appalled and unhinged.
And while you're at it, use the clean white space on these pages to scrawl down curses, scratch out narratives, or scribble symbolic drawings incited by your misery.
Later, make photocopies of these curses, narratives, and drawings, and conduct a ceremony of purification, burning them to ash, being careful not to set your house or the woods or yourself on fire, too.
As you burn, pray that you will extract all of the mojo you possibly can from the pain, and that the pain will make you smarter and wilder and kinder and trickier.
Pray that you will grow to feel gratitude for the pain, thereby turning the pain into a blessing and diminishing its power to hurt you.
Ready? Get set. GO. Be unhappy -- but for no longer than 60 minutes.
Sacred Advertisement
Unhappy Hour is brought to you by the origin myth of the Iroquois' Thunderbird Clan: Earthmaker woke up to realize he was the only being in the universe. Out of the depths of his loneliness, he cried, unleashing a flood of tears that became the oceans and rivers and lakes of our world.
So on his facebook page he posted this, and I found it rather enlightening. I nneded someone to give me permission to do this. Although, somehow I feel like he's saying, "You only have to get permission from yourself to do this and it's ok to do this."
UNHAPPY HOUR
You're invited to celebrate Unhappy Hour. It's a ceremony that gives you a poetic license to rant and whine and howl and bitch about everything that hurts you and makes you feel bad.
During this perverse grace period, there's no need for you to be inhibited as you unleash your tortured squalls. You don't have to tone down the extremity of your desolate clamors. Unhappy Hour is a ritually consecrated excursion devoted to the full disclosure of your primal clash and jangle.
Here's the catch: It's brief. It's concise. It's crisp. You dive into your darkness for no more than 60 minutes, then climb back out, free and clear. It's called Unhappy Hour, not Unhappy Day or Unhappy Week or Unhappy Year.
Do you have the cheeky temerity to drench yourself in your paroxysmal alienation from life? Unhappy Hour invites you to plunge in and surrender. It dares you to scurry and squirm all the way down to the bottom of your pain, break through the bottom of your pain, and fall down flailing in the soggy, searing abyss, yelping and cringing and wallowing.
That's where you let your pain tell you every story it has to tell you. You let your pain teach you every lesson it has to teach you.
But then it's over. The ritual ordeal is complete. And your pain has to take a vacation until the next Unhappy Hour, which isn't until next week sometime, or maybe next month.
You see the way the game works? Between this Unhappy Hour and the next one, your pain has to shut up. It's not allowed to creep and seep all over everything, staining the flow of your daily life. It doesn't have free reign to infect you whenever it's itching for more power.
Your pain gets its succinct blast of glory, its resplendent climax, but leaves you alone the rest of the time.
If performed regularly, Unhappy Hour serves as an exorcism that empties you of psychic toxins, while at the same time -- miracle of miracles -- it helps you squeeze every last drop of blessed catharsis out of those psychic toxins.
Pronoia will then be able to flourish as you luxuriate more frequently in rosy moods and broad-minded visions. You'll develop a knack for cultivating smart joy and cagey optimism as your normal states of mind.
Now let's get you warmed up for Unhappy Hour.
First, let me hear you groan.
Second, let me hear you howl.
Third, let me hear you sigh.
Now say or sing these declarations:
Life is a bitch and everything stinks.
My pain is so bad I can hardly think.
I'm afraid to live, I'm afraid to die.
The world's so messed up, I can't even cry.
OK. You're almost ready. When I say GO, you will have as much freedom as you want to dredge up and steep yourself in your savage sorrow, your unspeakable doubt, your shrill anguish, your secret shame, and your fearful fantasies.
Give yourself permission to make guttural moans, rueful cackles, or animalistic growls and squawks. Argue with God or your parents or the past while blurting out manic, explosive wails. Allow yourself to be crushed and dissolved, flung around and flayed, appalled and unhinged.
And while you're at it, use the clean white space on these pages to scrawl down curses, scratch out narratives, or scribble symbolic drawings incited by your misery.
Later, make photocopies of these curses, narratives, and drawings, and conduct a ceremony of purification, burning them to ash, being careful not to set your house or the woods or yourself on fire, too.
As you burn, pray that you will extract all of the mojo you possibly can from the pain, and that the pain will make you smarter and wilder and kinder and trickier.
Pray that you will grow to feel gratitude for the pain, thereby turning the pain into a blessing and diminishing its power to hurt you.
Ready? Get set. GO. Be unhappy -- but for no longer than 60 minutes.
Sacred Advertisement
Unhappy Hour is brought to you by the origin myth of the Iroquois' Thunderbird Clan: Earthmaker woke up to realize he was the only being in the universe. Out of the depths of his loneliness, he cried, unleashing a flood of tears that became the oceans and rivers and lakes of our world.
My how the time does fly!
How is it possible that my last post was the beginning of June?! June! So much has happened and so much hasn't, I don't even know where to start. Should I start with how my grandfather was diagnosed with stage two lung cancer? Should I start with how my cat is so stressed as well that she's currently on valium? Should I start with how that deal with the Lubavitch for the house fell through? Should I start with how my mother has be so crazed I'm ready to climb the walls? Should I start with the vacation I took with Rabbis Daughter to Savannah, which should have been oh-so-pleasant, wound up making both of us sick and it took me a whole extra week to recover - just in time to be sick with my period? Lovely! Should I start with how because of said vacation I got three months behind with the bills and have no way on my own to get them up to date? (I love having to pay my mother's bills that she created wtih her then $150K salary with my salary that is only a fraction of that) I have no idea. I haven't been able to focus all summer and that's why I've been sort of MIA for awhile. Through all of August I didn't even keep up with my friends I just sort of fell off the face of the earth and was wallowing in it a bit. **Sigh** I know eventually my life will go back to being mine. I keep hoping it will be sooner rather than later.
Oh, and did I mention that somehow I agreed to be the Gipper's friend again? Yeah, cause that's how I roll! How do I let myself be coerced into these things. I'm realizing, I really can't be his friend. And I'm realizing he doesn't make a very good friend to begin with anyway. Gipper! If you somehow found this blog, Call Me! But only if you intend to take me out on a date. A REAL date. If you have no intention of that, then please, be a friend, AND LEAVE ME THE F**K ALONE!!! I've had enough. Of your Bull S**t. Of your just wanting to be freinds. Of everything. Oh, and if you do decide you have enough balls to contact me, PLEASE call on the phone! Not text. Not IM. I want an honest to G-d voice on the other end of the phone!!! Gahhh!
Well, that pretty much sums up my summer. Now back to your regularly scheduled lives. Hopefully mine will switch back fromt he static it's been on for the past five years soon as well.
Oh, and did I mention that somehow I agreed to be the Gipper's friend again? Yeah, cause that's how I roll! How do I let myself be coerced into these things. I'm realizing, I really can't be his friend. And I'm realizing he doesn't make a very good friend to begin with anyway. Gipper! If you somehow found this blog, Call Me! But only if you intend to take me out on a date. A REAL date. If you have no intention of that, then please, be a friend, AND LEAVE ME THE F**K ALONE!!! I've had enough. Of your Bull S**t. Of your just wanting to be freinds. Of everything. Oh, and if you do decide you have enough balls to contact me, PLEASE call on the phone! Not text. Not IM. I want an honest to G-d voice on the other end of the phone!!! Gahhh!
Well, that pretty much sums up my summer. Now back to your regularly scheduled lives. Hopefully mine will switch back fromt he static it's been on for the past five years soon as well.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Triple Eclipse to come
So there’s this triple eclipse that’s on it’s way starting today. To be more precise, it’s three individual eclipses: one today, one June 15, and one July 1. Apparently this is a big deal. Since the eclipse is in Gemini (I think) and the one today is a Solar eclipse which helps in FRESH STARTS. Yes, I know I didn’t need to underline this, but I could really use some help in this department, and isn’t it funny how this is happening just as everything seems to be moving with the house.
Those frummy people from down the street came on Friday to do a home inspection. They have still to make an actual offer, mind you, but just for them to get a feel. You understand. According to the home inspector, everything structurally is sound, it’s just little cosmetic things. The frummy guy is looking to be able to make the lowest offer ever, cause tomorrow he has a contractor coming over to see what it would cost to get the house into livable shape for them. I get it. Really, I do. But make a freaking offer already! I know you have an undying need to be the cheapest Jew on Earth. But really. We’re Jews too, even though you probably don’t think so, and do you really have to drag us through your neurosis to prove a point? We have a price limit too, you see. AND we also have to get out sometime soon. Of course, from what I understand you need to get out of your rental fairly (read: really) soon. So perhaps we can make a deal after all? Guess we’ll have to await and see.
Let’s see, what else? I took a rather extended long Memorial Day weekend. Probably about a week and a half worth. I know, I know. I think I just needed some regroup time you know? This whole house thing is stressful (just wait till the actual negotiations start and we have to start packing and actual apartment hunting! Fun!). And I’ve been focusing on chatting more with guys on OKcupid. I’ve found one who seems really nice. We’ll see. Then, I’ve been keeping a close eye on the Gipper. Also, I know I shouldn’t be. That i need to forget him, even if it is just for now. I need to give the universe the opportunity to straighten things out. I’m trying, it’s just hard. So he’s going away at the end of this wee for about 10 days to the Dominican Republic. I have no idea if the girl he’s been seeing rather regularly is going with, but I kind of get the feeling that she’s not. He said they’re not exclusive. This sounds like it’s her choice. Cause he said something to the effect that it’s not exclusive, but they’re seeing an awful lot of each other. And even though he’s still on the dating sites (I know, I’ve seen him, without him knowing) he’s having a hard time going out with others. But you know, a relationship is usually run by the girl. If she were interested, they’d being exclusive. The fact that they’re not exclusive leads me to believe it’s not going anywhere. He’l figure that out. Anyway, it’s not my concern.
Oh, also, I’ve gotten back onto Meetup.com. I started going to this Sidewalk Cafe group and met some very nice people. Then out of the blue, I get an email from the organizer... she can’t make the meetup this Saturday but doesn’t want to cancel it, would I be able to host in her stead? It was really nice, and I was so touched that she thought of me. I wrote her back and told her of course, I’d live to. So we’re meeting tomorrow night so she can give me the money she’s collected so far and give me the run down. I was the strangest thing, but I’m actually looking forward to being the one to host. Perhaps I should look at that as my calling... hosting events, party planning, that sort of thing. Hmm. Not sue how I feel about that, but it could be interesting.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Thoughts to Ponder
So, I read tarot cards. I get a lot of insight out of my readings and most times see them almost as a therapy session. I have found the website Tarot.com to be invaluable. Through the years they've added more things, like different readings, numerology, blog posts. Today they had this very interesting post about soul mates here.
Gipper called me yesterday. Well actually he called me after trying to IM me and I told him I feel uncomfortable talking on IM and wanted a phone call instead, and what did he think. (just like Rori said), and like magic the phone rang! It was a good call, but I ended it by telling him that I was confused about the phone calls. That I didn't know what they meant or why he was still calling me. i had made my case clear, and so if he just wanted to be friends then I didn't know why he was still calling me. he said he'd hoped that my feelings had changed/lessened and I said they hadn't. I could tell he felt disappointed, but I told him I wished his feelings would change/grow. So, he said he would still call, and I said I probably wouldn't answer. I'll just have to stick to my reserve.
Gipper called me yesterday. Well actually he called me after trying to IM me and I told him I feel uncomfortable talking on IM and wanted a phone call instead, and what did he think. (just like Rori said), and like magic the phone rang! It was a good call, but I ended it by telling him that I was confused about the phone calls. That I didn't know what they meant or why he was still calling me. i had made my case clear, and so if he just wanted to be friends then I didn't know why he was still calling me. he said he'd hoped that my feelings had changed/lessened and I said they hadn't. I could tell he felt disappointed, but I told him I wished his feelings would change/grow. So, he said he would still call, and I said I probably wouldn't answer. I'll just have to stick to my reserve.
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